Life is Fragile

Well here it is 3:45 AM and I am sitting here at the computer after the past couple of months of being on a medication that causes one to have an extended bleeding time. The problem is that it can't be regulated on me and I have had problems with bleeding in different areas. These past couple of months with the trying to regulate the medication with sometimes 2 or 3 lab tests a week and the lab values are out of whack. I have had several area on my body that there are large bruises for no apparent cause. Quite often the areas are painful and swollen, not to mention black and blue. What is a person to do. I have been questioning the need for the medication. All the medical text books and standard of practice is that someone with my history should be on this medication for the rest of my life. The problem is, with these spontaneous bleeds when will and where will the next bleed occur. Will it be in my brain, maybe the GI tract or some other area that will leave me either dead or totally incapacitated. So with a great deal of thought I approached my cardiologist with my worries and thoughts on the subject. Of course he was quick to point out the reason for being on the medication therapy. However after discussing my thoughts and worries the cardiologist did agree with me and decided the possibility of having a bleed in a critical area outweighs the benefit of taking the medication. Having been in the medical field for over 25 years I know the reason for the medication. I have had a heart attack, bypass surgery and heart irregularity known as atrial fib. I know the treatment is this medication but I also realize what would happen if I get a bleed in my brain. In fact as I sit here my nose is bleeding and has been bleeding for the past several hours. Even though it is more of an ooze it is still bleeding. My medications have been changed however I still have to wait until my bleeding time gets back to normal which will happen in 3 or 4 days. In the mean time I have to put up with it being out of the norms. All this has had me thinking, What will happen? Will I get a bleed in someplace critical? Will I end up having a big bleed in the brain and be confined to bed for the rest of my life? These feelings and thought have all passed through my head in the past couple of weeks. I have during my lifetime had to face this possibility more than once. Can I say that it won't happen? No but I can do all I can to prevent it instead of doing something that may make the possibility of that happening. So my medication has been changed. Yes I still have to get blood tests and other testing but the medication that causes the bleeding has been discontinued. Have I done the right thing? I think so. I guess what I am trying to say is take the responsibility for your health. Don't blindly do what doctors tell you without weighing the different options. Hopefully I have made the right decision. Only time will tell.

Spring is coming

As I sit here thinking about the coming spring I can't help but to wonder at the many suprizes that spring brings. Every year there is the melting of the snow and the renewing of the flowers, trees, grass and what not. I can't help but marvel at all the new that reappears each spring. I have often wondered how everything in the plant world seems to die or go into hibernation for a period of time just to re emerge in the spring. After I see everything coming out of its hibernation I love to see the new vivid colors of the flowers, the green of the grass and the tree leavcs and the hustle and bussle of all the animals that start anew each year. Just stop and think could you dream up such an existance as this. I cannot. I just have to stop and thank God that this was not left up to me to organize. I could never pay attention to such detail. If it were up to me it would not be nearly as beautiful. Thankfully it is not mine to do. So lean back, look around and enjoy the surroundings.